My mistress has finally fallen in love with me! Two years ago I never would have believed you if you told me this day would come, but here I am, a man known and wanted. All it took was a haircut and a pretty desperate need, apparently. Now, let's all remember not to tell Subway about this. So long did I live in her shadow, and I still see her often enough, but she can never know that I have left her for good! Unless something goes terribly wrong, I will be an official employee of Quizno's come Monday. The interview I had today took all of six minutes (I spent more time on my way home in a music store talking to the owner about octave mandolins than I did with the manager at Quizno's). I don't think she even seriously looked at my app. It was like, "Okay, you're not pierced from head to toe, you don't seem to be on or currently selling drugs, and you don't look like the sort of person that throws toasted sandwiches when provoked. Good enough." Now we'll see if I can screw it up, eh? At least with this job I can't very easily get sunstroke. Toaster burns, yes. A little guacomole in the eye - totally possible. Diabetes from drinking Mt. Dew all day - hopefully not. A new, free daschund puppy - now I'm just dreaming.
Yeah, that's about all my news for today. It turns out I'm not as unemployable as I thought. So Gabe, if you want me to be a personal tutor for your girls, you're gonna have to let me know, 'cause this Quizno's thing might turn into a lifetime affair. It'll be like all those Wal-mart commercials where they talk about a job at Wal-mart being a career, only Wal-mart doesn't toast their subs and Quizno's doesn't rival the Catholic Church for global control. Chris, when you're out here for Bob's wedding, you can swing by and get some good food from me, eh? You'll have to come see me - it's like a celestial event happening once every 93 years or whatever... me with a job. I'm so happy I no longer have to be whiny and stupid about people not posting. Now I can just be whiny and stupid without cause.