You realize that in the last four days we've blogged as much as we normally did in a month? And it wasn't even mostly my useless ranting. But you can't keep a good man down (and now I'm wondering if I am really down, and exactly how long I have been), so here I am without anything except stories of my odd life. Actually, the real reason I wanted to get on here was because of a phone conversation I had yesterday morning with an amazing girl you all know. I'm not trying to make anybody jealous (nobody has yet come forward in my life and told me that they were jealous of me in any circumstance, although I don't know if jealous people do that, but I would still maintain that nobody would have reason to do so even if jealous people were also forward people), but I was told to say hello to everybody from Ms. Molly Jane Donelson, and so I figured this would be the best place to do so. We gave China Molly, they gave us the fortune cookie and gun powder and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, so that's a pretty fair deal I think. Molly is doing great - she's practically binding her feet and lighting incense at Mao's tomb - she's just doing great. She told me I would love China because "in the land of China, they don't got nothin'," wait, no, that's not what she said; she said that clothes are utility, not fashionability, and that the pace of life is wonderfully slow, and that I would agree with how they run their educational system (just for the record, I really don't condone torture or any sort of psychological punishment), so apparently I need to get to the land of 1.5 billion people. Wait, I don't like crowds, I'm a fan of indoor plumbing, terrible at kung fu, and completely at the mercy of any cute Chinese girl between 18-45 (they age really well) on the earth - in other words, I'd be having a massive panic attack in the middle of Tiananmen Square in a pile of my own excrement after being scorpion kicked by a twenty-year-old 4'8" Chinese girl who I had smiled at in the middle of her Cultural Revolutionary training. Hmmmm. Maybe Tibet would work for me. On second thought, I'd better just get back to my work here. The problem with offending China is the demographic weight of your offense - only comparable to India or Los Angeles. I'll stick to taking pot shots at Canada. You know how much Tibet and Canada have in common? Not much more than they both want to be their own countries. HA! See, no real demographic weight. Try it yourself some time. Well, this is enough blogging for now. Kyle can't be right - I won't just blog ten times in a row to make up for everybody blogging so much. I've already given Krista too much to deal with.
Oh, and Duerk, the trailer just about made me cry I was so excited. The rest of you would know what I mean if your soul-mate was in one of the most important movies of our generation (and maybe I am talking about Where the Heart Is, so get off me). Duerk, check out the fourth disc of the new release about the making of Star Wars. Way good. May 18th. Is somebody's wedding that day? Am I allowed to pick Star Wars over somebody's wedding? I think that's a valid question. Sorry the rest of you have to put up with nerds like us.... no, wait, I'm not sorry. We give the rest of you guys a fighting chance with the ladies. I'm on a roll tonight! You don't have to agree with me; I'll never know. I'm really done now.