Well, Kurbis, I'm glad you're excited. I am too. I mean, if I calculated correctly, there are really only three girls on earth, of legal age and marital status, that would willingly date me, and apparently I found one of them, so odds are one of the other two is in the middle of New Delhi, and the other one is in Shanghai, so I'm glad the one I got is right here. It's neat to find out that mathematically you can rate your social and romantic acceptability so that an equation can tell you how many people on earth could put up with you. I mean, Nathan Miller is apparently desired in fourty-seven countries across a demographic that includes some centenarians and several sets of conjoined twins, and then there's Kurbis who it turns out should not even be liked by Bethany, mathematically (and maybe rationally) speaking, of course. You plug Duerkop into the equation and you find out that 80% of the world's female population want him, but again you can find most of them between Afghanistan and Japan, leaving a good deal of space for Duerkop to traverse before overcoming this technical inconvenience. What's funny is to see yourself up against movie stars and sports figures in terms of global desirability. I fall in a category somewhere between Danny DeVito and Marvin the Martian. Miller is stuck just above Ben Affleck and right below Denzel Washington. Duerkop fell between The Rock and Barry Bonds for some reason (apparently, most foreign women like large, incredibly cut bodies... or Duerkop, so way to go Duerk). Kurbis sits just above Ozzy Ozborn but couldn't edge out the vacuum-preserved body of Mao Zedong (Chinese women really throw the demographics off in this sense - otherwise Kurbis might have beat him by the mere fact that he hasn't been dead for forty years). Don't put Scott in the equation - it messes everything up in terms of factual and coherent data. You find out that 106% of the human female population and 23% of the lemur population are naturally attracted to Scott, and then you just end up wondering what girls are being counted twice and why lemurs would have a thing for our own Scott Johnson. I have yet to run the numbers on Kyle. It might turn out that the entire eligable female population of Belize really digs the scruffy-haired worship pastor thing. Ya never know how the numbers work out. Sadly, for all you married guys, you can't run the equation. It's a shame too, because after Gabe's really gross poop story, you'd think his sociability rating would be way down. I'm grossed out. Okay, I seriously don't know where any of this is coming from. It's nearing three in the morning. I promise to not post ever again when I'm in such a weird state - it's like I'm drunk or something. I bet a lot of this is only funny at this time of night after a few beers and listening to a really annoying cabbie all the way home. Okay, I'm done. Sorry to put everybody through this. Sorry to make fun of Kurbis after he got so excited for me. Sorry to make fun of Danny DeVito and lemurs and Belize. I hope this doens't keep people from blogging. Everybody gotten their yearbooks?