First off, Joshua Philip Mann, this is a family blog where only Kurbis and Brad can cuss, Kurbis because he's crass and Brad because he has some strange connection to the urban lingo that dominates the modern rap scene. Even I refrain from using words like ass and hell. I mean, just yesterday when I made a comment on your first blog this year, I wanted to say that I am one damn good sandwich cutter, but I decided not to because there is a time and a place for cussing, and that time was college and that place was H3. Now we have to be good and not do things like that. I hope that doesn't keep you from blogging your effn' heart out, but please be more considerate of our younger viewing audience in the future.
Oh, and tonight I was bad and I went for a quicky with the ex-Mrs. for old time's sake; I mean, we were together since I was an 8th grader, so I'm sure this switch won't be like tearing off a band-aid. I move in with one, and I'm back with the other in two days. What kind of person am I? The only way I can justify my behavior is because I had a coupon. Someday I probably will grow tired of sub sanwiches. Hopefully when I'm done working at Quizno's.
So, what have I learned in my first two days at Quizno's? Just one thing: To work at Quizno's, you either need to be a smoker, or a tiny Filipino woman, and I am still trying to decide which one I want to be. If I start smoking, I'll get to bum cigarettes off all my coworkers so they will complain about me behind my back. Also, I'm guarenteed to look more depressing and pathetic than I ever have and yet still feel on top of the world as long as enough nicotine is flowing through my circulatory system. Thirdly, I'd be part of the majority and therefore, cool, right? Now, on the other hand, being a small Filipino lady has some advantages as well. You age incredibly well. You get a fiesty attitude and everyone thinks it's cute and cultural. And if nobody understands what you're saying, you can blame it on the thick accent. If anybody's seeing anything that I missed on either side, let me know, because I think I need to choose very soon, otherwise I don't know how I'll keep my job. Oh, and tipping at a fast-food restaurant is absurd, but that doesn't mean I don't like it when I get money for being a trainee that gets my tongs stuck in the toaster grate. That actually was a little freaky. It's like all those escalator nightmares that everyone always talks about. Or maybe I'm confusing nightmares with general public safety concerns. Speaking of nightmares, last night I flew off a large embankment beside the interstate, and in this dream I landed, bouncing to a stop with traffic coming at me, telling myself that I probably shouldn't move since I had just fallen something like thirty feet and probably shouldn't be alive anyway. It was weird. That's why I know the dream was mine. That and a funny thing a lot of people like to call consciousness.
Duerk, check out Eternal Sunshine and Spanglish when you get the chance, though I'd avoid Spanish subtitles on either one. Ooh, speaking of good movies, I think I figured out where Memento came from: Has anyone ever seen the Seinfield that goes backward? It like starts out at a wedding in India and then ends up a week earlier back in New York. I'd never seen it before a few days ago, and I think the writer of Memento just took that Seinfield and that Dana Carvey movie where he's a P.I. but has no short term memory, and voila! Really cool new movie that makes us think the writer is original and a genius. Now what two shows can I combine? I could combine Ellen and Friends. No, that's Will and Grace. Hmmm. What about Pretty Woman and Four Weddings and a Funeral? Nope, that's Runaway Bride. What about Full House and Event Horizon? Yeah, I know... New York Minute. Yeah, only direct contact with Hell could have created that movie. Speaking of 18-year-old twin girls that my roommate is obsessed with... I haven't seen my roomate since Sunday, and he didn't want to mention to me that he was going to be gone, so I'm officially looking for a roommate since I don't seem to have one anymore. Anyone want to guess how long it has been since Robbie slept in this apartment? Nearly two weeks! I feel like pulling a Josh and leaving obscenities across the screen to show my utter despair. Or annoyance? Both... whatever. It is rather depressing being all alone. And so I know what it's like to be Jennifer Lopez. I don't know where that one came from. So, if you'd like to room with me or use the vacant space Robbie has left in my home and my heart, feel free to stop in, because it'll be open for a while, it seems. Wow, that did seem fiesty. Filipino, here I come!