Lynnea, Lynnea, Lynnea.....Welcome to Marty's world circa 2000-(spring) 2004. (Uh oh...I feel a rant coming on). I have spent many a night sitting up and wondering how much further ahead I had been had I decided as a senior in college to go in my sister's footsteps to Augsburg college and recieve my education from non biblically centered education. Or, had I not made mistakes (or at least covered them up better) that allowed me to in fact break the covanent four times and concequentially be suspended four times, be placed on academic probation and forced to drop my teacher's licensure due to my "rebellious ways". Honestly, I'd be a teacher right now. My lifelong dream. I resent Crown for that.
Looking back at my college expirience I can't say that I don't regret going to Crown. All colleges search to better the students and at each college and I'm confident I could have found a student group of strong Christians to build up my spiritual growth. Instead thousands of dollars in the whole and four years of my life later, I look back and I see an institution that in fact did not turn out to better me, but held me back from the dreams and aspirations of 18 year old kid. My ways, although apparently appearing damning to Crown, did not reflect my ability to be a moral person, an outstanding teacher and dedicated teacher who would show the love of Christ to his students. Seriously, they weren't that big of a deal as to completely derail my future and send me into a state of depression and a mindset that I was a terrible person. Yes, it did that, and honestly, the scar still runs very deep. In my own self discovery and typical young adult exploration of rules and boundries I am now someone who resents the confines of the contemperary Christian community. I don't even know when the next time I even want to set foot in a church again is. That's the truth. I'm just sick of being judged, and well, that's what Christians love to do. Everywhere I go.
I know, I can't blame Crown for all my spiritual shortcomings and negative attitudes, because there was a lot that I did to myself to bring me along the path that I have taken. I still believe that Christ has a divine plan for my life and somehow Crown allowed me to set on Christ's way for my life. Maybe, in fact, I was never intended to be a teacher. After all, I adore my job at Guitar Center and am content with everything life has brought me since Crown. I still wonder though. I'd love to see the end of this path though, to see what the heck God was doing in the first place.
I also am forever grateful for the relationships that Crown has brought me. The people whom I know will be lifelong friends and will always genuinely care about me forever. We sure are lucky to be part of a graduating class that still reads message boards to hear the hopes, joys, and disappointments of each other's lives. I love you guys and I would never trade these relationships for anything. I just really wanted to be a teacher.
Oh, and Brad- a week out and I think I'll be deciding in the voting booth.
Looking back at my college expirience I can't say that I don't regret going to Crown. All colleges search to better the students and at each college and I'm confident I could have found a student group of strong Christians to build up my spiritual growth. Instead thousands of dollars in the whole and four years of my life later, I look back and I see an institution that in fact did not turn out to better me, but held me back from the dreams and aspirations of 18 year old kid. My ways, although apparently appearing damning to Crown, did not reflect my ability to be a moral person, an outstanding teacher and dedicated teacher who would show the love of Christ to his students. Seriously, they weren't that big of a deal as to completely derail my future and send me into a state of depression and a mindset that I was a terrible person. Yes, it did that, and honestly, the scar still runs very deep. In my own self discovery and typical young adult exploration of rules and boundries I am now someone who resents the confines of the contemperary Christian community. I don't even know when the next time I even want to set foot in a church again is. That's the truth. I'm just sick of being judged, and well, that's what Christians love to do. Everywhere I go.
I know, I can't blame Crown for all my spiritual shortcomings and negative attitudes, because there was a lot that I did to myself to bring me along the path that I have taken. I still believe that Christ has a divine plan for my life and somehow Crown allowed me to set on Christ's way for my life. Maybe, in fact, I was never intended to be a teacher. After all, I adore my job at Guitar Center and am content with everything life has brought me since Crown. I still wonder though. I'd love to see the end of this path though, to see what the heck God was doing in the first place.
I also am forever grateful for the relationships that Crown has brought me. The people whom I know will be lifelong friends and will always genuinely care about me forever. We sure are lucky to be part of a graduating class that still reads message boards to hear the hopes, joys, and disappointments of each other's lives. I love you guys and I would never trade these relationships for anything. I just really wanted to be a teacher.
Oh, and Brad- a week out and I think I'll be deciding in the voting booth.
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