Duerkop, you win. That was maybe the greatest blog I have ever read. Elimidate has all those cartoon things, so you were close anyways. Duerk the lady's man! Oh yeah. And if you have these girls' numbers, and they're thinking of the west coast as a future home, I'd really only like to meet the Ph.D. because cracks ribs and not ready for the real world both sound like a little more than I could handle. Let me just follow you up, Duerk.
Pet owners are irrational. Why would you keep another non-human being alive? In past ages, it was for food, clothing, hunting, and prestige (which was, again, because they provided food, clothing, ect.). No clear-headed Roman citizen would have been interested in companionship from an animal. And I just heard a story about a high school senior who thinks that ducks make the best pets. What is the world coming to? And cat owners are the worst because they have the first creature to openly seek the destruction of mankind without any natural opposition from our race. At least a dog is stupid enough to think that humans are easy to love and obey.
I don't get the works for a democrat thing. Fight those feelings of inferiority by asking her out. Always works for me. At least, I think it will.
Lynnea, you have proved me to be very gender-centered in my thinking since I assumed the Zoloft character was a guy (I think it was the short hair stub and the way he bounces). In reality, the character is twice as likely to be a girl than a guy. I hope that doesn't make you ladies sad. At least you don't look like the Zoloft girl/guy/thing. Or if you think you do, then I let me remind you how often I've said that the Zoloftian is very cute, even attractive, and hopefully you've forgotten about all the stuff I just wrote because you're depressed anyway, and I'm not helping.
A cartoon character. Hmmmm. At first, after reading Gabe's post, I thought I would be a combination of Johnny Bravo, Courage the Cowardly Dog, and the nerdy boy that hangs out with the dog from Rocky and Bulwinkle. Then I remembered that cartoon characters can't be mixed since it's a pure art form. So, I think maybe my best parallel is Hong Kong Phooey. Slightly politically incorrect (at once offensive to Asians and African Americans since he is supposed to sound like... a black guy, I guess), always messing everything up while thinking he's saving the day, drives a little car, wears something black on his head, terrible theme music, cat for a sidekick (this actually falls in the politically incorrect catergory and not the similar category because it is at once offensive to cat lovers and sidekicks)... a lot of things just line up for me right now. And Gabe, you shouldn't be Garfield, you should be Heathcliff, if you ever watched that show. Now that was a fun cat to watch. But, if you know Heathcliff, you must remember Riff Raff, and that's who I wanted to emulate because he always had the lady cat from the music store. Oh, and I was wondering if anybody remembers a cartoon on Nickleodeon that had a small group of kids searching for this lost treasure thing with this locket, flying around in a giant golden mechanical eagle (maybe I dreamed this one up, but I always thought the Wizard of Oz sequal was just my imagination until this year when it was confirmed to be a real movie). If you know what I'm talking about, let me know, otherwise I might be losing my mind. I mean, at least I didn't start talking about how I used to watch Rainbow Bright or something like that. I still think the old Tom and Jerry is my favorite. Maybe it's just because the cat is always being injured in a way that should kill him, or maybe it's because I always like to root for the underdog. Whatever. Inspector Gadget. There was some good afternoon cartooning. I had a crush on Penny from day one. What was the dog's name? Chief Quimby? Is that right? Dr. Claw (ironically similar to Dr. Caston... very similar letters in the last word, hmmm?). Dum Dum Dum Dum Dum Dum, Dum Dum, Dum Dum; Dum Dum Dum Dum Dum- Dum Dum (dum dum). Ohhh yeah. That was fun. And now all I got in my head is Gobots and GI Joe. And Mask! My childhood is flooding back to me. Gross! It was the 80's! At once the best and worst decade of American history. I was born (so were you, with great probability, unless you're Scott or my brother). But then you had Iran-Contra and the Challenger blowing up.
Enough reminicing. I need to talk about what's happening now! I had a Kyle-born opportunity to ask a beautiful blonde girl out today, and I missed it because I am an idiot. I was manning my cash register, as always (I've been working a lot and that's my excuse for not blogging... no wait, that's your excuse. I don't want to steal your excuse. I'll come up with my own. Here we go: I'm pregnant. There, now everybody knows. And now I fit in with the girls at work so much better. Anyway, I worked seven hours yesterday, six today, six out of seven days last week... I'm a working man, or maybe I'm just working, whatever), when this stunning blonde girl was standing right in front of me. We had a few precious seconds, and she had some tennis thing on her sweatshirt, so I asked if she played. Her eyes lit up, and we batting a few sentences back and forth. Then off she went to fill up her drink, and I was so ready to just ask her if she wanted to play some tennis sometime (on a day that isn't snowy, like this morning was). Then, for some unknown reason, I felt that I should take the time while she was getting her beverage to grab another pair of gloves to put in my apron (yes, I work with women, I wear an apron all day, and the worst thing is, I can't even tie it behind my back - moron!), and I grabbed the gloves and turned around just in time to see her walking out the door. I won't be here very much longer, but just the thought of putting myself out there for a very nice young lady that happens through "my" door.... that sentence kinda fell apart. Anyway, so that was my stupid moment of the day. Yesterday my stupid moments included typing an extra 1 on the register, giving me a $100 overcharge, but with that taken into account, for six hours of taking people's money, I was only off by 54 cents, 41 of which I could account for in a confusing bout with two high school girls who were unhappy with me for thinking they had more expensive sandwiches than they had and then not giving them some discount... better than the guy who handed me a cell phone so I could type in a credit card number on a rather large order. I don't even know if I am allowed to do that, but whatever. Oh, that's what I wanted to tell you. Gabe, don't be mad, but this blog is turning PG-13 for a short while so I can retell this story with maximum impact. These two guys were in today, very loud and talkative, and I was ringing them up, of course, when the guy that was paying found out it was three bucks more than he thought it would be, so he looked at me when I explained why and he said "You son of a bitch!", just shaking his head and handing me his money. I actually laughed a lot, because it was obviously meant as a joke... or maybe I'm just now realizing that I made another enemy today. Crap.
Oh, and in the category of big news, it is as official as these things get: I am moving to Portland, Oregon (technically Vancouver, Washington, but how many of you knew it was nearly the same place? that's what I thought) to live with my brother and see what the west coast is like. Duerkop realized I am slowly moving farther and farther away from him, but really I'm just trying to get away from you. I just never had the guts to say so until now. Oh, and one final thing: The Notebook - didn't like it. I'm already in trouble with my roomate's fiance about the whole thing. Still love Spanglish, though. And 24's a rocking, so don't come a somethingeringnevermind. And why has nobody commented about good ol' JP dying on us last week? I know Brad was wanting to make a comment about Johnny Cockran dying, but the rest of us can at least relate to a religious Polish guy named Carol kicking the bucket (compared to a souther-California lawyer). And now don't you wish you had not checked the blog? That'll teach you.