who is?
what?
oh yeah....easter.....
keep rockin

First off, Joshua Philip Mann, this is a family blog where only Kurbis and Brad can cuss, Kurbis because he's crass and Brad because he has some strange connection to the urban lingo that dominates the modern rap scene. Even I refrain from using words like ass and hell. I mean, just yesterday when I made a comment on your first blog this year, I wanted to say that I am one damn good sandwich cutter, but I decided not to because there is a time and a place for cussing, and that time was college and that place was H3. Now we have to be good and not do things like that. I hope that doesn't keep you from blogging your effn' heart out, but please be more considerate of our younger viewing audience in the future.
Oh, and tonight I was bad and I went for a quicky with the ex-Mrs. for old time's sake; I mean, we were together since I was an 8th grader, so I'm sure this switch won't be like tearing off a band-aid. I move in with one, and I'm back with the other in two days. What kind of person am I? The only way I can justify my behavior is because I had a coupon. Someday I probably will grow tired of sub sanwiches. Hopefully when I'm done working at Quizno's.
So, what have I learned in my first two days at Quizno's? Just one thing: To work at Quizno's, you either need to be a smoker, or a tiny Filipino woman, and I am still trying to decide which one I want to be. If I start smoking, I'll get to bum cigarettes off all my coworkers so they will complain about me behind my back. Also, I'm guarenteed to look more depressing and pathetic than I ever have and yet still feel on top of the world as long as enough nicotine is flowing through my circulatory system. Thirdly, I'd be part of the majority and therefore, cool, right? Now, on the other hand, being a small Filipino lady has some advantages as well. You age incredibly well. You get a fiesty attitude and everyone thinks it's cute and cultural. And if nobody understands what you're saying, you can blame it on the thick accent. If anybody's seeing anything that I missed on either side, let me know, because I think I need to choose very soon, otherwise I don't know how I'll keep my job. Oh, and tipping at a fast-food restaurant is absurd, but that doesn't mean I don't like it when I get money for being a trainee that gets my tongs stuck in the toaster grate. That actually was a little freaky. It's like all those escalator nightmares that everyone always talks about. Or maybe I'm confusing nightmares with general public safety concerns. Speaking of nightmares, last night I flew off a large embankment beside the interstate, and in this dream I landed, bouncing to a stop with traffic coming at me, telling myself that I probably shouldn't move since I had just fallen something like thirty feet and probably shouldn't be alive anyway. It was weird. That's why I know the dream was mine. That and a funny thing a lot of people like to call consciousness.
Duerk, check out Eternal Sunshine and Spanglish when you get the chance, though I'd avoid Spanish subtitles on either one. Ooh, speaking of good movies, I think I figured out where Memento came from: Has anyone ever seen the Seinfield that goes backward? It like starts out at a wedding in India and then ends up a week earlier back in New York. I'd never seen it before a few days ago, and I think the writer of Memento just took that Seinfield and that Dana Carvey movie where he's a P.I. but has no short term memory, and voila! Really cool new movie that makes us think the writer is original and a genius. Now what two shows can I combine? I could combine Ellen and Friends. No, that's Will and Grace. Hmmm. What about Pretty Woman and Four Weddings and a Funeral? Nope, that's Runaway Bride. What about Full House and Event Horizon? Yeah, I know... New York Minute. Yeah, only direct contact with Hell could have created that movie. Speaking of 18-year-old twin girls that my roommate is obsessed with... I haven't seen my roomate since Sunday, and he didn't want to mention to me that he was going to be gone, so I'm officially looking for a roommate since I don't seem to have one anymore. Anyone want to guess how long it has been since Robbie slept in this apartment? Nearly two weeks! I feel like pulling a Josh and leaving obscenities across the screen to show my utter despair. Or annoyance? Both... whatever. It is rather depressing being all alone. And so I know what it's like to be Jennifer Lopez. I don't know where that one came from. So, if you'd like to room with me or use the vacant space Robbie has left in my home and my heart, feel free to stop in, because it'll be open for a while, it seems. Wow, that did seem fiesty. Filipino, here I come!

F$#&! I just wrote the longest blog ever but i wrote it last night and then i tried to send it this morning and it pooped all over me...dang it...it was funny, cute, poignant, intriguing, told you a lot but left you wanting more :) Now I have to start over and this version's not going to be as good. And now I'm at work and I'm supposed to be like...working...anyways...i'll post later today...

Hey...this worked! Okay, i'm being like a grandma, but that's alright, i gotta get ya'll updated. So there's my bro at biola top left, bottom middle is becca wells, our other middle school pastor and me and on the right is my babe : ) becca bates, ya'll met her at batch's wedding. And on the bottom left is me whitewater rafting 

Yeah, for some of you, you're reading this before you read Duerk's post, so scroll down and read about his first, because it makes mine make more sense. Thanks to his strange interest in this made-for-tv movie about sharks and spring break, I ended up watching nearly the whole thing, and I haven't wasted so much time since I was in Alliance History and Distinctives. I kept telling myself that whoever had written this cinematic farse surely was trying to make a joke out of both Jaws and... I don't know, Weekend at Bernie's. Either way, I kept laughing, and people were being eaten by a swarm of giant sharks, although their footage of sharks showed great whites, black and white tipped sharks, and then would cut back to giant shark fins sliding around groups of partying spring breakers. First of all, great white sharks do not end up in tropical waters. Second of all, sharks that do hunt in groups are the type and size of shark that would find a tuna the sort of hearty meal for one shark, not a 108 lb. bikini-clad drunken 18-year-old that was drugged ironically by the guy that ends up sliding off one of those floating dock/island things unto the mouth of a great white (the next shot cut to a para-surfer who fell unto a great white in a way that made my childhood movie-making attempts look deep and dramatic). I mean, a scientist guy (once named Richard Dreyfus, but not in this "movie") was pulling sea turtles (right now I'm imagining the sign language word for sea turtle, one of three words I can say in sign language, thank you Lynnea) the size of exercise balls - half-eaten in a single bite, right through their shell and all, commenting on how it seemed that sharks were attacking the sea turtles into a tape recorder. I may be the freaking moron wasting time complaining about it, but at least I have the common decency not to write stuff like that down and then get somebody to produce such drivel. But here's the kicker: The final scene is two teen-aged love-birds walking away with the beach behind them, one who should be in an ambulence from being speared through the shoulder, all the while behind them was the dock/island thing still tilted into the water where dozens of people just died a short while before, and nobody seems to care that these two teenagers are strolling down the beach in a romantic way, kidding and laughing while their recently deceased friends are digesting in the stomachs of twenty sharks that were scared off by some stupid science experiment! If I ever stoop to the level of writing made-for-tv movies that make people feel worse about the human race afterwards, please, one of you must kidnap me and brainwash me like they did in the oringal Manchurian Canidate. Just don't let me torture innocent people like that. Let me do it this way. Duerk, I'm not mad at you for getting me to watch this movie. I'm only a little dissappointed. Go get Eternal Sunshine and watch something good. Hopefully I'll see you all at Quizno's tomorrow.

My mistress has finally fallen in love with me! Two years ago I never would have believed you if you told me this day would come, but here I am, a man known and wanted. All it took was a haircut and a pretty desperate need, apparently. Now, let's all remember not to tell Subway about this. So long did I live in her shadow, and I still see her often enough, but she can never know that I have left her for good! Unless something goes terribly wrong, I will be an official employee of Quizno's come Monday. The interview I had today took all of six minutes (I spent more time on my way home in a music store talking to the owner about octave mandolins than I did with the manager at Quizno's). I don't think she even seriously looked at my app. It was like, "Okay, you're not pierced from head to toe, you don't seem to be on or currently selling drugs, and you don't look like the sort of person that throws toasted sandwiches when provoked. Good enough." Now we'll see if I can screw it up, eh? At least with this job I can't very easily get sunstroke. Toaster burns, yes. A little guacomole in the eye - totally possible. Diabetes from drinking Mt. Dew all day - hopefully not. A new, free daschund puppy - now I'm just dreaming.
Yeah, that's about all my news for today. It turns out I'm not as unemployable as I thought. So Gabe, if you want me to be a personal tutor for your girls, you're gonna have to let me know, 'cause this Quizno's thing might turn into a lifetime affair. It'll be like all those Wal-mart commercials where they talk about a job at Wal-mart being a career, only Wal-mart doesn't toast their subs and Quizno's doesn't rival the Catholic Church for global control. Chris, when you're out here for Bob's wedding, you can swing by and get some good food from me, eh? You'll have to come see me - it's like a celestial event happening once every 93 years or whatever... me with a job. I'm so happy I no longer have to be whiny and stupid about people not posting. Now I can just be whiny and stupid without cause. 

So if Alliance is the way to God, Where the heck does that leave me?
Don't tell Jesus... I work for a Methodist Church! (Actually 2 of them!)

But our saving grace is that we are starting the 40 days of Community on April 10th
And I just got back from visiting the mecca (Saddleback church)

All kidding aside, if you are ever in South Cali, go and check out Saddleback! Oh my gosh, they know how to "do church." I was very impressed! Especially their children's building. Yes, they have their own 4 story building.

Later
Folkestad

oh crown. hello there.

((well, i found the short short entry for the other blog. grinning.))

since the last time i logged in here, not too much seems to have changed in my life; however, new twists and adventures and stuff seems to be occuring in your own. yeah, i'd rather not open the 'comment' screen either. so here you are. love you. bye. enjoy THIS day. (and, um... 1. im still looking for a more appropriate job. 2. i bought green's day a.i. yesterday in celebration of st. pat. and because i like them.)

-thank you for including the quotes from Nausea... and your thoughts- much appreciated.
-a kitty: i bet Babes is a cute one.
-easter* foundational to our lives, crazy, eh? enjoy truth as you share it, and boil the eggs.
-pack your sunscreen for the 10th and 15th. fun. f U n. FUn. truely. thanks for your mention, i am honored.
-and how are the little girls?
-the capitol... incredible. --they have great trees in the walk around the building. about 3/4 of my 9th grade leaf collection comes from madison.
-professor. it is a wonderful title, and you will wear it well- no worries! has the count down for this summer's move begun yet? let me know.
-and those who read and don't write. hi.

one more thing. it hit me different this time around. be encouraged. message bible, peterson. god: paul: galatians 5:1-6

Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never agian let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.
I am empathatic about this. The moment any one of you submits to circumcision or any other rule-keeping system, at that same moment Christ's hard-won gift of freedom is squandered. I repeat my warning: The person who accepts the ways of circumcision trades all the advantages of the free life in Christ for the obligations of the slave life of the law.
I suspect you would never intend this, but this is what happens. When you attempt to live by your own righteous plan and projects, you are cut off from Christ, you fall out of grace. Meanwhile we expectantly wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit. For in Christ, neither our most conscientious religion nor disregard of religion amounts to anything. What matters is far more interior: faith expressed in love.

I realize that posting comments is all the rage, but with my terrible internet connection, it's just one more page to bring up that takes several frustrating minutes to pull up. Gabe, you and me can stick to plain old blogging. We'll tell our kids (mine at this point are rhetorical) about how we used to blog without comments, and how the internet came through phone lines and how machines didn't enslave mankind yet. That'll be great. Especially if my kids aren't rhetorical into eternity. Maybe I'll take that back someday.
Annie, don't worry about being in the dark about Maunday-Thursday services. I hadn't heard of them until last year, I think. And I just found out what broiling really is tonight. I never knew there were coils in the top of the oven. And Robbie, the manual does say to leave the door open while broiling. I'll stick to my cast-iron skillet. Or else I'll stir-fry.
I'm amazed at the parallel between Mrs. Bachelor and Professor Erickson. "Well, there isn't a whole lot that I actually can "teach" but I am helping many to use talking words instead of whining! The whining thing gets old really quickly when you have five going at the same time." Either young lady could say that. I don't miss freshman one bit. Why- do you know any cute ones? Just asking... for sake of tradition more than anything. Speaking of tradition, I miss a good honor's study group. Lynnea, I'll put it together if you have a time that works for you. How does May look? Mid-July? The night before our ten-year reunion? Okay then.
I just wanted to end with a little bit of an excerpt from a book I picked up tonight that might explain a little better why I quit grad school. I'm just going to quote a few sentences from Jean-Paul Sartre's Nausea concerning the main character (a former world-traveling historian) when he realizes that he is the one creating history instead of retelling events from the past. He's speaking of a specific person he was studying, but I think it can be quite easily broadened to fit my recent circumstances :
"It is not the lack of documents: letters, framents of memoirs, secret reports, police records. On the contrary I have almost too many of them. What is lacking in all this testimony is firmness and consistency. They do not contradict each other, neither do they agree with each other; they do not seem to be about the same person. And yet other historians work from the same sources of information. How do they do it? Am I more scrupulous or less intelligent? In any case, the question leaves me completely cold. In truth, what am I looking for?....
Well, yes, he could have done that, but it is not proved: I am beginning to believe that nothing can ever be proved. These are honest hypotheses which take the facts into account: but I sense so definitely that they come from me, and that they are simply a way of unifying my own knowledge... Slow, lazy, sulky, the facts adapt themselves to the rigour of the order I wish to give them; but it remains outside them. I have the feeling of doing a work of pure imagination."

It was seriously eerie to come across this tonight while reading and know exactly what this character is saying. Maybe it is of no interest to you, but I read those words and knew so completely that feeling that what I was doing was not some wonderful, objective thing that could be praised for a thousand years as substantive historical work. Instead, I felt like myself and all those around me were creating and distorting history... and I soon wondered what, if anything, could be proved. I'm sure this doesn't make any sense to anyone. It is a reason, though, why I would rather write knowingly things that are based in my imagination than contrive such things to be from outside myself. I'm sure this sounds stupid. I'm glad to see so much blogging. That I am certain of.

a slightly different hue.

Congratulations Lynnea!
By working for a CMA school you have found a way into elect status. I am so happy you will be with me in heaven. You are not a ministry professor so you probably will not have as many rewards, but at least you will get in.
Wow, I am a jerk!

Seriously congratulations on getting the job. If it had been anybody else from our class who had been given the job, I would have been shocked. With you it comes as no surprise. Crown is lucky to have you on board.

Steve, just wanted you to know that I just found out about comments section as well. I never knew the blog had so many levels.

Okay, first things first: Have you guys been doing this whole comments thing for a while? I mean, at the bottom of each post. I had never even thought about looking to see if anyone had commented on anybody’s post, let alone my own, and it’s a bit sneaky, I do say. I have not yet come to the point in which I am cool enough to make comments, but I’ll let everybody know when that day comes. Until then, here is just another complete waste of your time.
Well, although I have already done this in “person” (I think the quotes probably should have gone around the entire phrase and not just the last word, but either way, I’m denoting that I’m not really in person, but more in person than I am here… anybody that’s smokin’ pot right now has to be trippin’ pretty bad on that thought… am I really here? I’m an idiot), I’d like to formally congratulate Lynnea, or should I say, Professor Erickson, on her news. Now we could make a commercial like those ones about not doing drugs or dropping out of school, only Lynnea and me could show the contrast of dropping out of graduate school. This is your strange friend that likes literature. This is your strange friend that likes literature on grad school. Any questions? So, as we were discussing on the phone, I have my worries about a stunning young woman like Lynnea being in front of a class full of freshman guys. I mean, we (I probably mean me more that any real plural thing here, but let’s go with it) were all shocked by Professor Sullivan compared to the other Liberal Arts faculty. Perhaps the contrast between Sullivan and Dr. Ratledge only led to the perception that I had once and for all come across a professor that wasn’t gray-haired, dry-humored, and male, and therefore was something that pushed the limits of what a professor is meant to be (i.e. attractive? Maybe I didn’t say that. Maybe I’m smoking pot right now. Ignore me). I guess Dr. G and Dr. Hustad aren’t gray-haired (though still not what I would consider attractive), and I would call Dr. Bedford salt and pepper more than gray (more attractive, but that’s really a history-slant kinda thing like how I’m attracted to my 60-something-year-old grad history professor who lives alone with a bunch of Yorkshire terriers), but that’s not the point. Wow, I’m really all over the place and probably getting myself in a bit of trouble. That’s okay. I’m losing all understand of social standards because I see no more than four people in the course of an average day. The point is, Lynnea will stand beside Sullivan and still be all the more youthful and troublesome to the 19-year-olds who don’t have enough video games to fill their days or their minds. So much for congratulations. I really am excited for you, Lynnea. Some day, when you do a missions trip to the inner city and you find me living on a street corner, give me a short smile before you shake your head and turn away in disgust, like you probably should now.
Speaking of now -24, eh? Michelle’s back! I’m just saying that any cute girl that goes from really curly hair to really straight hair is just… unbelievable. Nobody probably gets that one. Duerk, at least you’re with me on the pony tail thing.
So I saw Spanglish over the weekend (one of the few times I have left my apartment complex in the last two weeks), and I must say I was very pleased with it. Just a wonderful, thick, real (but not real like Jackass or The Apprentice, but awkward real, like how I assume Robbie sees me), moving, and funny sort of movie like I haven’t seen in a long time. It just does a wonderful job pushing you to a place where you understand the characters more by intuition than by seeing them on screen. Besides, it’s not Adam Sandler with a mop or highway wand between his legs, playing hockey or going to elementary school; I didn’t even think about the fact that it was him in this movie. There’s my recommendation for the next little while.
And we should probably just get this out in the open right now: Does anyone else want to invite me to come live with them? I mean, I don’t want anyone to think they didn’t have a chance getting me to live with them, although you’ll have a tough time if you’re not genetically related to me (but, like any good flea-market goer, I am open to interesting offers).
If anybody wants to get a glimpse into my life (I realize that on this blog you get something akin to an eye-full, if there be such a thing), check out a short story by Anton Chekhov, The House with the Mezzanine. I mean, I’m not a famous painter, and I haven’t fallen in love with an 18-year-old (and I wipe my eyebrow with a sigh of relief to this point), but the not having anything to do thing is really pretty parallel to my life.
So, I’ve gotten myself in enough trouble for the evening. I’ll get on my merry way and see what tomorrow brings. I actually got tired of my bologna, salami, and mustard sandwich today. Who knows what I’ll eat tomorrow? One last question: What happens to a cookie when it’s not eaten? Can they get moldy? Will it start to smell? I guess it won’t be sweet anymore to have a cookie that was made by a beautiful young lady that I just visited a few weeks ago if it gets all gross. Speaking of gross… Gabe, how many times have you been thrown up on today? Consider it a rhetorical question. Like, have you ever thought of your hand being someone else’s and you’re actually borrowing it for the time being? Yeah, it’s late. You thought you missed me blogging, but now you remember. Tomorrow: Ovid’s Metamorphosis. It’s that, or the Star magazine that’s no thanks to yours truly sitting on my bathroom floor. Hmmm. I just can’t keep myself out of trouble today. I really dodged a bullet then if Meagan was over here tonight and nothing happened (that’s definitely the official party line). It just keeps going. I hope you all are doing well.

Well, I have two pretty big and exciting announcements:

1. I have officially accepted a teaching position at Crown College for the fall of 2005! I will be teaching English Comp, English Fundamentals, and Writing and Literature in the Spring. I am very excited to be teaching already but also a little nervous. By the fall I will only have three classes left to complete my Master’s because….

2. I am moving to England for the summer to study at Oxford! I was just accepted yesterday and am still having trouble believing it. I cannot believe that I will be sitting the same classrooms, the same dining hall, the same libraries that C.S. Lewis, JRR Tolkein and so many others I have studied have sat in. Hopefully I won’t fail.

So that’s my big news! I am so excited about it all, I just want this semester to be over so that I can go start these new chapters in my life.

Lynnea, don't give Brad access. I saw this on 24. You think he's helping out and BOOM! He's a terrorist. You can't chance it in this day and age. And the catch is, Lynnea, if life is anything like 24, the more you know, the more likely you'll be killed, and soon. That's really why I quit grad school. I saw it was going to be my own doom. There's only three ways to surive: Be hot, be naiive/nerdy, or be Jack Bauer. I'm going to try out the be hot one soon, but I think right now I'm neither that nor Jack Bauer. None of you care about this (except maybe Folkestad).
So Gabe, I think you're awesome, but I also think your life must be one continious human liquid mess after another, and I have to say it makes me a bit past weezy. I'm sure you'll be able to tell us this later, but is fatherhood anything more than being at once the field for the game and the groundskeeping crew for the cleanup? At this point, I plan to never procreate (I heard several sighs of relief... but my leg abnormality is not a handicap).
On that last note, I've had a very random week following my quest for west coast love. Within twelve hours on Thursday, I found myself packaging my own meat, discovering a fuel leak in my car, having dinner at a retirement complex, eating Coldstone with four first-timers, meeting three Russian immigrants (one of which borrowed my shoes), being chewed out in an e-mail from Ireland, driving to Target to help a 25-year-old I just met return a coffee maker, taking a very short-lived walk with a bridesmaid I met last August from Great Falls, partly watching a rerun of the OC in a stranger's house while discussing the ski slopes that I can see out my back window, burning 6 CD's for two girls, and meeting a man who worked with Jim Eliot's brother in Peru building airplanes in the back of churches (not technically in that order, but if I did order those events, would it matter?). It was the sort of day that makes you wonder if it was a dream but you remember that dreams at least combine things that could happen in a random order (like my dream last night about protesting on the Reed College campus... that's all I remember). I'm trying to think if I can explain this any better. I don't think I can. I need to get some sleep. I guess this is one of those blogs to ignore for the most part.
Duerk, I got the package. Those chopsticks are slick as snot on a banana peel on ice. Why'd you give me Halo? I will never do anything for the rest of my life now. Don't worry; I'll still have time to blog. Ha!

Is it just me or does Annie's life seem way cooler then everybody else's? Way to live the good life Anne. It is great to see the explosion of blogs in the last couple of days. I must say I am a bit frustrated by Adam W. I know you read bro... but why aren't you writing? (Adam and I are not really brothers, though I would be honored to be related to a king.) Steve, I am glad to see your blogs once again. I do want to hear about your life even in the mundane. It is not so much of what you are going through, but how you tell it. I love to hear you tell it. Brad, I have been working at witnessing to Bill Gates. Soon we will start MAC. Folkestad, please blog.

On to other news. Last night my family was invited to go over to another couples house for dinner. In the evening before we left, I had some funny, fatherly experiences. I had come home exhausted from a very long day. I was not home more then a half an hour when to my dismay my little daughter Alyssa decided to spit up on the sweater that I had worn to work that day. It is always a frustrating experience to be forced to change clothes due to some sort of unexpected disaster. However, I was able to contain the rage of this moment and realized I was probably going to change anyway since we were going out. So I put my daughter down and got on a different shirt. This was no ordinary shirt, but a grey Crown College long sleeve t-shirt. It was the kind you get free for applying. I was wearing this when I decided to pick up my other daughter Elliana. She was in a great mood smiling away at her pappy. We were having a great time exchanging looks and laughs. I was lounging on the couch holding her in the air over my chest when it happened. A burp came up and brought with it a white substance that most call milk. This is not an ordinary milk, because it has been mixed with saliva to make quite a formidable foe. It would not have been so bad if we were not cursed with this thing called gravity. Due to the pull of our massive planet this white substance proceeded to fall, covering my spiffy Crown College long sleeved t-shirt. I let out a small grunt of displeasure as I was very upset to see another shirt soiled before its time was up. I looked up at my daughter to show her my annoyance when I noticed that she was smiling at me. Her smile went from ear to ear. The saliva filled milk was still dangling from her lips, her chin was covered in white, but she was the most beautiful girl in the world as she was smiling at her dad. I could not show any annoyance, in fact I began to laugh at this beautiful milk-faced little angel. I placed her down and left to changed again. A little while later the girls were eating there supper. After they were done I grabbed up Alyssa to burp her. Alyssa got me again! She spewed forth her weapon of mass destruction. Thankfully she missed my shirt, but not my jeans. We were now only minutes away from leaving to go to our friends for supper. I looked down in disbelief. I could not believe it had happened a three times in a night. Oh, what I life I have created for myself.

Pappy Out

Okay, just to lighten the mood from my last heart-pouring blog, I thought I'd pass along pieces of one of the few forwarded e-mails that I've been pleased to receive in the last eight years of my life. Maybe only Lynnea will laugh at these, but if any of you are like me, you'll laugh out loud for a lot of these. I picked the best ones. The top of this e-mail says "Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays."

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come fromexperience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipsewithout one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

So, that was hopefully as fun for all of you as it was for me just a few minutes ago. Comments, complaints, compliments, please send to Stephen Hubka c/o the wonderful Crown blogger made by Lynnea. I'll try to keep my stories of long-lost love to myself from now on. Anybody heard from Kurbis in a while? Did he move to Mocanbequ? Oh, and if anybody hasn't written to Molly Donelson in a while and wants to time their sole e-mail to perfection, her birthday is this week, so if you'd like to say happy birthday, sometime near then would be good. Crazy that in a few months, it'll be the second time I'll celebrate my birthday while blogging. Man, I miss not having a job. Wait, that's still me, nine months later. I seriously have great typing skills. Look at this stuff. Okay, discount the bad parts, but look at the volume alone. I'm done. Hope everybody is doing well. Gabe, is this what you really missed?

Sorry, Steve (and Duerkop), it might take me some time to figure out how to add that link. The whole blogger system has changed since I first started creating these things. For now, this link should get you to the Crown addresses: http://www.excrownieaddresses.blogspot.com

Before I lose some of you since I don't know how long this blog will go, I think Lynnea did a lovely job giving our blog a dazzling new look, but Lynnea, there is one flaw: As Duerkop already pointed out to me, there is no section for our addresses and such. Duerk actually needed mine, and it was not an hour after you had changed the format. Hopefully those aren't all gone. Oh, and if we are asking for new people to add to the list, I know this is unconventional because he did not technically graduation with our class (though, neither did Scott Johnson), but I think Michael Patrick would at least be flattered with an invation to partake in this since he was a great part of many of our lives. Just a thought.
So I leave for a week and Brad's kickin' the shiz doggy style, Gabe is wondering what's going on in my life, and Lynnea is mildly offended by not having some burning in her bosom (I mean that only in the most Mormon of senses) about being a youth pastor? What happened to you people? Gabe, my life can't be but a mere ounce of your daily trials and triumphs. Brad, I jus been hittin' the low down dog poun' in "P" town, but it ain'no thang cuz I can'get no sho'ty ta be tossin' me da "baby, please," look if ya know wha' I mean. And Lynnea, I completely understand the outsider mentality... live with youth pastors and then you'll know what I know. Well, maybe you shouldn't be randomly shackin' up with youth pastors, so nevermind. I'll try to be a better word buffer between you crazy people, but as I said, I was out of the region for a while and could not attend to my normal duties. So here's the most condensed version of the story that I can tell without being either insensitive or obtuse.
I spent last week in Portland, Oregon (let's all say it like we would say "pipe organ," or "heart, organ", not with a few more syllables in there), visiting my brother and sister-in-law as well as catching up with some friends, one of them being MIA Josh Mann. I had a quite wonderful time with my immediate family, and a great but short time with Mr. Mann, but neither of those two experiences were the most essential of my time spent in Portland. I went to see a friend of mine who goes to Multnomah College, a friend I hadn't seen in over three years, a friend who just happened to carry a lot of weight in my heart and had been on my mind a lot lately. She was my first dance, as a 7th grader (and you think I'm unattractive now!), my second girlfriend, and the only girl that made me cry when she dumped me. I don't know what it was that got me going in her direction, but her absolute beauty and unalterable elegance, coupled with a vibrant mind and a relaxed demeanor all reminded me why she has never completely left the back of my mind in the last decade of my life. So I suprised her with the visit, I think. Either she was excited to see me, or she could be the next Lynnea Erickson in some Crown musical. We spent several days together, and not a moment of it was lacking the wonder and amazement that is probably a regular part of many of your lives, you crazy kids that are in love (not that I'm saying I was or am or should even use phrasing like that since this is probably not meant to be so graphic an expository on this subject). I am doing the subject no justice at all, but that's a similar feeling to my conclusion on my time spent with this wonderful girl.... that I would do not justice to her to profess a non-Mormon burning in my bosom for someone who has seen me through some of my most awkward stages (although many of you that knew me well as a freshman maybe would disagree)... I've had difficulty describing this realization to about anyone that knew what was going on. It's like I felt that all I had to give her were words that professed a desire that could never be a reality. I could watch her all day long and go home saddened by the notion that I could not... want her enough to make things work that just could not work in any stretch of my forlorn imagination. So after a long night of dancing with her and staring into her eyes trying to contrive a instance where I thought telling her how I felt was the right thing to do, I left her with a long hug and a feeling that I was doing the right thing by not forcing my aged and idealistic feelings on her. Well, if this isn't a gritty and laid-bare exploration of my last week, I'd like to see somebody do better. Sorry for those of you not wanting to have such an intimate knowledge of my personal thoughts and feelings. Ah, I'll be back to simply recounting my boring day's events, but when you set out on a quest of the heart for a person who seems to have permanent residence there, maybe you'll be this candid and I'll sit back wondering why you were so forthcoming about these things.
Anybody else walk to the edge of love and back last week, or am I a loner on this as well?

Hey Pappy, don't patronize me, I have Krista for that! Actually your post made me laugh, thanks making it clear that you were joking, otherwise I might have gotten going all over again.

Well, I updated the look of our blog a bit, let me know what you think. The list of contributors to the right is a list of every person who has accepted the invitation to blog. If there is anyone NOT on the list that you know of who wants to be a part of the blog, let me know, I may need to re-invite them.

The blog for those currently on internship is really showing us up. It reminds me of the early days of our blog, when we were all excited about keeping in touch with each other. I am by no means saying that the excitement has entirely been lost, there is just less to update on than when we were all transitioning into our lives post-Crown. If anyone wants to check out the website of those on internship here it is: www.blockbuds.blogspot.com

Brad,

Congratulations on being back in the "elect." It will be so fun to be in heaven with you. I am glad to hear that the $60,000 + that you spent on your education is coming back to serve you. Seriously, I think that you have a lot of gifts for youth ministry and it is good to hear that you are taking the position. Also don't you think that those non-elect people say the cutest things? I heard one the other day talking about being considered "elect" in their secular society.
What hilarious ignorance. Ministry Majors Rule!*

* Lynnea, that was a joke.

Closing question. Do you think that I should have my girls call me Pappy instead of Dad?